I've seen the people I love lose their loves one.
I've seen people broke their promises.
I've seen people lose their trust.
So tell me how I can get rid of my own insecurity?
Tell me how not to feel afraid that it might happen to me.
Tell me how to trust.

Aku bukan wanita yang pandai berkata-kata
Yang pandai bermanja mengambil hati
Yang pandai meluahkan segala apa yang terbuku dalam hati
Aku simpan
Pendam dalam-dalam.
Mati.

Broken and shattered.

Aku jatuh, tersungkur.
Hati, luka berdarah.

How could you do this to me?
I'm not the special one, i'm not the only one, am I?
My heart just broke.

I forgive you.

Terima kasih atas segalanya yang telah kau beri, amat kuhargai.

Hidup adalah sebuah perjalanan.
Apabila telah tiba suatu waktu, kita  akan terbaring sepi,
tidak bernafas lagi, dan hilang terus dari dunia yang selama ini kita jalani.

Dan hidup bukanlah sebuah perlumbaan.
Pekerjaan bukanlah satu pelarian yang memungkinkan untuk sebarang kejatuhan
apabila kita gagal dan tidak lagi berjaya.
Kegagalan merupakan sebuah permulaan untuk kehidupan.
Dan kehidupan adalah sebuah perkataan pertama untuk kematian.

Petak Daud - Menuju Nafas Terakhir

In my brain I see your face again.

No ceramic heater
no sleeping bag
no thermal wear
beats your warm embrace
No scotch fingers
dipped in hot chocolate
could compare to you
could compare to you 

Right in the middle
of that frozen aisle
witnessed by trolleys,
milk, yogurts
and cheese
With a ring, you promised
to stay by my side
no matter how many
maladies
shoot me from the sky
And I pledged
to age with you
till I die 

 You by Wani Ardy

**

I'm pathetic and i'm sorry.
I'm too much for you to handle.
I'm complicated.
I'm selfish.
I'm torn on the inside.
I'm always overthinking.
Assuming things.
Insecure.

But I just want your attention, all of your love.
To be able to feel that i'm the only one, i'm the one you really love and you're proud of that.
I just want to feel special, to feel appreciated. 
To feel that you really want me, that you're happy with me.
To not feel insecure.
I want you to tell the whole world that i'm yours.
I want people to know that you're mine.
I want you to be there and comfort me everytime i'm mad or sulking or wanted an attention.
Pujuk me, not leave me and do nothing.
Not just sit there with total silent.
It break my heart.
It's like i'm troubling you and you don't seem to bother at all.

'Awak nak buat perangai awak tu, go ahead.'
It hurt on the inside.
I just want to feel loved. 

To call you and talk, a long talk. Bukan silent and 'ada apa lagi nak cakap?'
I'm bothering you am I?
Macam tak suka langsung nak bercakap. 
Nak cerita apa pun kena fikir banyak kali sebab you don't seem to bother or have any interest.
Dari dulu.
Merajuk, pujuk diri sendiri.

To talk to you about everything.
About yourself.
About your life.
Anything.
Anything at all.

Sakit.
Dan penat.
 
It's the same thing over and over.
Pujuk and be there. 
That's all.

You don't know what it is like to be like me.

Have you ever feel the moment bila kau dah penat dengan something and rasa dah give up.

Bila kau fed up and benci dengan semua benda.

Bila kau rasa sedih, marah sampai sakit dada dan semua bercampur-baur dan kau hanya mampu menangis dan menangis.

Menangis untuk keluarkan semua yang kau rasa, semua yang kau simpan dalam-dalam.

Menangis sampai dah tak mampu bercakap,  sampai satu tahap kau dah tak mampu menangis.
Kau bangun, masuk bilik air, tengok muka dekat cermin, tengok betapa bengkaknya muka kau, kau cuci muka dan keluar.
Keluar dan cuba jadi kuat balik.
Berpura-pura macam nothing happened.
And you wear back that fake smile.
For the sake of the people you love.
Have you?
You'll never know how much it hurt.

Everytime I said I am okay, I cried on the inside.

I am a broken pieces.

I thought I was strong enough to face everything, to go through everything and being strong for the people I love, but i'm not.
I thought that life gonna be easy and everyone gonna be happy but I was wrong.
I thought I've done the best I could, but I didn't.
I thought i'm not gonna cry in the middle of the night anymore, but I still did.
I thought I have everyone for me, but I feel alone and lonely.
Ya Allah, things are too hard.
Please ease everything and put a smile to the people I love.

My favourite.

There's still a good time even when you're tired of everything and feel like your life is upside down.
Mine is when I met my favourite person and ate good foods.